K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
