I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
