Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
