but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
