I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
