You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
