I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
