In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
