My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're too hungover to prance.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
