sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
