The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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