I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
