Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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