my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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