turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
