You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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