Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
