so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
