Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
