I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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