trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
