Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
