I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
