I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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