When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
These tits shall not be calmed
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