I could make wine with my vomit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's always time for handjobs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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