So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
