closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
