I cockslap morals
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
