So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to calm my uterus...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
