I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
