She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
