this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
from now on my penis is your penis
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Vodka?
Forever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
