If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
