I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
