I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have fence marks all over my body
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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