yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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