I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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