Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
