Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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