Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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