She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
did i just pee glitter
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
