So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
