Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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