I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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