I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Someone shit on the floor
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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