you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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