if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
