4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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