im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
